We all have an inner-voice that talks to us all day, everyday. But is that inner voice positive or negative? The way we speak to ourselves and about ourselves has a huge impact on our mental and physical health, our self-esteem, and self-confidence. Self-talk influences our perception and outlook of the world. Human beings have thousands of automatic thoughts a day. Self-talk is something we need to be mindful of.
What is self-talk?
Self-talk is an endless stream of unspoken, automatic thoughts that run through our heads. It’s our internal dialogue and it can be either positive or negative. Negative self-talk is when our inner dialogue focuses on the negative. This can look like criticism, judgement, or intrusive thoughts.
5 Common Types of Negative Self-Talk:
- Personalizing– Blaming yourself for everything that happens or taking things personally. An example is- you text someone and they don’t answer you. Instead of thinking they might be busy, you think they don’t like you or must be mad at you
- Filtering– When someone is filtering, they are filtering out the positive and mostly focusing on the negative. For example, you wore a new outfit to work. Throughout the day you receive numerous compliments but one person says “What are you wearing?” Instead of focusing on the many compliments you received that day, you would only focus on the one negative comment and believe your outfit is ugly.
- Catastrophizing– You anticipate the worst or make a small hiccup a huge deal. For example, you get into an argument with your partner. If you are catastrophizing you may think that your partner will leave you, you will never find love again, and you will be alone for the rest of your life.
- Polarizing– Things are black and white, things are only good or bad, there is no gray. For example, you are proud of yourself for doing well on a test. You think of yourself as smart and studious. You then find out you forgot to turn in an assignment. You then think of yourself as lazy, stupid, irresponsible, and a bad student.
- Emotional Reasoning– When an individual believes something is a fact based on their feelings or emotional reaction.
Examples of Negative Self-Talk
- “This is too hard, I’m not smart enough to do it.”
- “I’m so awkward, no one will like me.”
- “I’m so dumb, I can’t believe I made such a stupid mistake.”
- “Who was I to think I would succeed?”
- “I’m so ugly.”
Negative Self-Talk has a huge impact on one’s wellbeing. Inner dialogue can affect the relationships in your life as well as impact your mental and physical health. Negative self-talk can cause one to feel helpless, stressed, and even increase depressive and anxiety symptoms. Negative thoughts also decrease levels of self-confidence and self-esteem. When speaking to yourself in a negative way, you limit your potential and belief in yourself.
The Mind-Body Connection
The mind and body have a strong connection. Negative thoughts can impact physical health by manifesting as physical ailments. Negative thoughts have the power to cause headaches, stomachaches, back and shoulder pain. Negative self-talk impacts energy levels, leaving one feeling fatigued and unable to sleep. The physical functioning of the body is also impacted. Negative thoughts can impact one’s digestive tract causing constipation or diarrhea. Negative self-talk is also linked to high blood pressure and stomach ulcers.
Awareness:
The Importance of Awareness
The challenge of negative self-talk is that thoughts are constant throughout the day. They are automatic and so often they are ignored and not given attention. Half the time, our thoughts are not even noticed.
Becoming aware of your thoughts is important because thoughts are powerful and affect one’s wellbeing, emotions, actions, and beliefs. But often thoughts can be just plain wrong. Thoughts can be unrealistic, exaggerated, influenced, overgeneralized, and inaccurate. Thoughts lead to feelings and feelings lead to behavior.
This is why it is so important to become aware of the thoughts you have throughout the day.
The Benefits of Awareness
- Improved relationships
- Rational/Accurate ideas of reality
- Improved self-esteem
- Open-minded
- Less judgmental
- Confidence
- More aware of values
How to Improve Awareness
There are many ways to become more aware of one’s thoughts but like with anything else, it takes practice. This is a skill that can be strengthened over time.
Some ways to improve your awareness includes practicing mindfulness. Sitting quietly with your thoughts. Hearing your thought and sitting with that thought will help you to become more aware of the thoughts flowing through your mind.
Meditation is a great way to become more aware of your thoughts. You can listen to a meditation app, podcast, or YouTube video. You can sit in silence and let the thoughts flow through your mind, simply paying mind to them. Accepting the thought and moving on from that thought.
Journaling is an effective way to improve awareness. There is something powerful about writing down thoughts. The act of writing down thoughts is a way to externalize what is in your mind. The act of writing and reading thoughts out loud is a powerful way to become aware of what is going through your mind. It is also beneficial to read your thought journal over time to try and recognize patterns and repeated negative thoughts. This is a great way to let yourself know what you need to work on.
Separate yourself from your thoughts and realize that you are not your thoughts.
A way to focus on more positive thoughts is to practice gratitude. Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to train your brain to focus on the positive rather than the negative. Download your printable 7-Day Gratitude Journal to get started on your gratitude practice.
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