Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are a special time meant to celebrate your parents and all they have done for you, the sacrifices they have made, and the unconditional love you have received from them all your life but sadly, this is not the case for many.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are difficult holidays for many children and adult children, particularly those who have experienced loss, trauma, or other difficult experiences related to their relationship with their mother or father. For some, these holidays can bring up feelings of sadness, grief, anger, or resentment, and can be a painful reminder of what they have lost or never had.
If you have had a difficult, traumatic, or challenging relationship or lack thereof with your biological parents then keep reading because you are not alone.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be triggering for many different reasons, and it largely depends on your individual experience with your biological parents and your emotions.
Here are some common reasons why Mother’s Day and/or Father’s Day may be triggering for you:
Loss: If you have lost your mother or father, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be a painful reminder of their absence. The day can bring up feelings of grief, sadness, and longing.
Trauma: If you have experienced any form of abuse or neglect by the hands of your mother or father, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can bring up difficult emotions and memories. These days can be a triggering reminder of past experiences and can cause feelings of anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, or panic and can even bring on panic attacks.
Estrangement: If you have a strained or non-existent relationship with your mother or father, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be a reminder of that distance and can bring up feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, anger, or resentment.
Infertility or Loss of a Child: If you have struggled with infertility, have had miscarriages, or have lost a child, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be a painful reminder of what you have lost or what you long to have. It can bring up feelings of grief, sadness, and frustration.
If you are struggling during Mother’s Day and/or Father’s Day, it’s important to take care of yourself and prioritize your emotional well-being during these times.
Here are some ways you can practice self-care:
Acknowledge and validate your feelings: It’s okay to feel whatever emotions come up for you and it’s important to recognize and honor your feelings. Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions come up for you on these difficult holidays. Validate your feelings and allow yourself to feel them without judgment.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Speak to yourself in a gentle and understanding manner, just as you would speak to a friend.
Set boundaries: It’s necessary to set boundaries around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day to protect your emotional well-being. This can look like avoiding social media and TV the day of and days leading up to the holidays or avoiding stores during this time.
Engage in activities that bring you joy: Engage in activities that make you feel good, such as taking a walk, reading a book, or engaging in hobbies or passions. It’s important to do things that bring you pleasure and help you feel calm and at peace.
Connect with supportive people: Reach out to friends or loved ones who know what you are going through, who understand, and support you. Talking with someone you trust can be helpful in processing your emotions and providing comfort.
Create your own traditions: You may want to create your own traditions or rituals to help you cope with the day, such as spending time with friends, doing something that brings you joy, celebrating with a mother or father figure in your life, building new traditions with your children if you have them, or taking some quiet time to reflect and process your feelings.
Seek professional help if needed: If you are struggling to cope with the stresses of these holidays, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with additional support and tools to manage your feelings and being triggered during these times.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day as well as the weeks leading up to these holidays can be a complex and emotional time for so many. It’s important to recognize and honor these feelings and to prioritize your emotional well-being and to take care of yourself during this time.