Recently, in my Facebook group, I wanted to discuss Fighting…Because whether it’s on social media or in person, so many people are fighting right now.
Everyone fights. We fight with parents, friends, siblings, partners, even strangers…
Fighting is completely normal but there are healthy ways to fight and unhealthy ways to fight. Fighting in healthy and productive ways can actually strengthen relationships while fighting in unhealthy ways can tear people apart, deteriorate relationships, and may eventually terminate the relationship altogether.
Here are some things you should avoid while fighting with others:
- Name-calling
- Slamming doors
- Bottling up your feelings
- Giving the cold shoulder
- Bringing up past fights and arguments
- Sweeping issues under the rug
- Criticizing their character
- Eye rolling
- Shouting/yelling
- Threats
- Giving ultimatums
I don’t think it’s anyone’s goal to destroy their relationships but at the moment, when so angry or frustrated, we may say or do things we don’t mean. It happens to the best of us but we can learn from these mistakes and fight in a healthier manner next time. Fighting is inevitable. It’s going to happen and cannot be avoided forever.
Fighting may be inevitable but damaging relationships doesn’t have to be.
Here are a few ways you can fight in productive and healthy ways:
- Apologize
- Take a break- don’t storm off, calmly state that you need a few minutes
- Be aware of your reactions to others
- Show empathy
- Use statements like, “I feel ____ because ____”
- Stick to the present argument
- Express your concerns
- Tackle the problem from an “us” perspective
- Treat the other person with respect
- Take a break if the argument is becoming escalated
- Let them know you care about them
These are just a few suggestions to consider but there are many others. Please let me know if you have any other ideas or know of something that works for you! And keep in mind, fighting in healthy ways takes time, patience, and lots of practice. Don’t become discouraged. If you step out of line, apologize and try again.