The death of a beloved pet can be one of the most devastating losses you will ever face, bringing with it all the same emotions you would feel if you lost a family member or loved one. The loss of any loved one can be hard to deal with, but pets offer many benefits that human friends and family may not, including unconditional love and joy just from being around them.
The sense of loss can be distressing and is often overwhelming. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions including sadness, anger, guilt, shock, disbelief, and despair. You may also experience physical symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, and fatigue that are unrelated to physical illness but are related to the stress of the grief you are experiencing.
Losing a pet is extremely difficult and can cause indescribable grief. In recent years, pet loss has been getting more attention and awareness is being spread about how devastating losing a pet truly is. Many have even been advocating for bereavement days from work to be able to process the death in an appropriate and healthy manner instead of returning to work as if nothing happened. You deserve the time and space to grieve the loss of your best friend- no matter the species.
When you lose a pet, it doesn’t matter if they were with you for 20 years or only a few months. The loss is still just as real and painful.
What is Anticipatory Grief:
Anticipatory grief refers to the feeling of grief experienced before an impending loss. The upcoming loss is certain.
Losing a pet can be just as painful if it was expected — like when an elderly dog or cat passes away due to age or illness — but many people find themselves unprepared for the grief they feel before losing their beloved pet.
Anticipatory grief is just as valid as the grief experienced after the loss. Some find it difficult to express their grief especially when their beloved pet is still with them. It’s important to recognize anticipatory grief as a valid form of grief. Anticipatory grief is a part of the grieving journey. It is okay to grieve though your pet is still with you. Everything in this article also applies to anticipatory grief.
The first few days after your pet dies may be the hardest. You may feel like you are in a daze, unable to think clearly or concentrate on anything else. You may find yourself crying randomly or feeling anxious or restless without your best friend by your side. Your emotions could swing from sadness and despair to anger and irritability. You may even feel numb or detached from your surroundings. All of these reactions are completely normal.
Give yourself time to grieve. Grieving is a normal process and can be helpful in healing from loss. The grieving process is different for everyone, but there are ways to cope with the loss of your beloved pet. If you’re dealing with the grief of losing your pet, here are some ways to help you cope with your grief:
Expressing Your Feelings:
Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions — even those you might not like or think are “unacceptable.” For example, if anger is one of your feelings after losing a pet, know that this is okay and that it’s part of the process of grieving. You can express your anger in healthy and productive ways.
Jotting down your feelings about losing your pet can help you process everything that’s going on inside of you. Write about how much you loved them, how much they meant to you, and how hard it is to say goodbye. You could also write about what their life was like before they passed away — what were their favorite activities? What made them so special? Writing helps put words to the difficult emotions you experience when you lose a pet you loved so much.
Do something creative to express your feelings like writing a story, drawing or painting, writing a song, or playing an instrument. Using your creativity is a productive and effective way to express your emotions.
Cry if you need to. Crying is a healthy way of expressing sadness and pain. You might feel like crying as soon as your pet dies, but sometimes it takes time before tears come out naturally or easily.
If your pet has passed away, consider finding someone who can listen to you talk about your feelings about the loss of your pet. Talking about how you feel will help you come to terms with what happened and begin moving forward again with life. Confide in a trusted loved one to vent about your loss. Talking with a friend or family member is a great way to express your feelings instead of keeping them bottled up.
Sometimes one of the best ways to express your grief is by honoring your best friend. Here are some ways you can honor or memorialize your pet:
Honoring Your Pet:
- Pet portrait
- Get your pet’s paw print
- Plant a tree or flowers
- Paint a rock
- Get a tattoo
- Paint or draw their portrait
- Make a scrapbook or photo album
- Customizable art or jewelry- check out etsy
- Save their favorite toys
- Make a little altar in your home to honor your pet
- Make a special spot in your yard
Seeking Support:
You may need a little extra support through this difficult time and there is no shame in that. Sharing your feelings about your pet’s death with others who understand can help you feel less alone in your grief journey and allow you to connect with others who share similar feelings. Ask for help from friends and family members who’ve gone through similar experiences. The more support you have from other people who understand what you’re going through, the better equipped you’ll be through your journey of grief. Here are some ways that you can seek support through this devastating time:
- Attend a pet loss support group
- Join pet loss support Facebook groups or meetups
- Take time off of work
- Spend time with loved ones
- Spend time with other pets
If you find that your grief is so overwhelming that it interferes with daily life, consider talking with a mental health professional about how to cope.
Taking Care of Yourself:
You must take care of yourself through this difficult time. Practicing self-care and being gentle with yourself while maintaining your physical and emotional health is important. Here are things you can do to take care of yourself through your grief journey:
- Eat regularly
- Eat healthily
- Give yourself time and space to grieve
- Take care of your hygiene- shower, brush your teeth, floss
- Go to sleep and wake up at your normal times
- Spend time with friends
- Exercise
- Change your clothes
- Change your sheets
- Try and maintain a normal lifestyle
- Get outside
- Clean your home
Pets are family. Losing a pet is a devastating loss and the grief can be debilitating. It’s important to express your feelings of grief and to seek support. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Losing a pet is just as painful as losing any other family member. Remember that you gave your pet the best life you could have and they knew how much you loved them. There is no time limit on the grieving process. You may be grieving your pet for a long time but you can learn how to move through that grief and learn how to live with that grief. Express your feelings, take care of yourself, seek support, and honor your best friend.
To dive into this topic more listen to my podcast interview with Julie Marty-Pearson about the grief journey of losing a beloved pet: